Hello Dearest Reader
From a very young age, I suppose as far back as my brain lets me go – I have felt a deep down kind of sadness. Now, as I type at a (some would say a VERY young looking) 45 year old - I know that sadness would eventually settle. Ease a bit. I know now why I felt it but then as a little shy girl growing up in the 80s well I hadn’t a clue. I thought everyone felt it. I thought everyone felt like this all or some of the time. I thought it was normal. So normal that I didn’t really think of it as sadness, just life. This isn’t a prelude to a pity party, stick with me for a moment. This is an explanation that we are ALL carrying some kind of trauma and life is all about how we deal with it to continue to move forward.
My story begins back before I was born. My biological mother was a young girl who was taken advantage of in 1979. When her family found out she was pregnant she was immediately sent ‘up to Dublin’ in a bid to ‘do the right thing’. She was a child, with no say. She was sent out of her family home and brought to Dublin where she was placed in a Mother and Baby Home in North Dublin. She was treated badly by the very people who were placed in these institutions to care for them. I can’t imagine how scary this whole situation would have been for her. Something you would simply never recover from. And really, I probably only allowed myself to fully go to the emotion of it all when my own beautiful son was born 36 years later.
As I currently sit and write, sipping beautiful cacao in my extremely privileged life – I know and believe that we all on some level know the full details of our path, we choose it and then we land in to our bodies. I know on some level I needed this particular path for this particular life time. I do really feel a connection to the Buddist belief that we come back again and again to level up (I’m pretty sure this isn’t the direct translation of the beautiful Sanskrit words used but you get the drift..) until we finally live the most peaceful and harmonious life filled with deep love for our selves and others, deep love for this planet and all that lives in it. A life full of compassion for all and deep gratitude for ourselves (using alllllllll the buzz words now). Then and only then will we reach Nirvana, pure enlightenment. I do feel that this sometime difficult path that I am currently hobbling along has all been for this very belief, but I am getting ahead of myself. As I said, this is all the point.
Learning, growing, expanding and levelling up!
Always moving forward.